My assignments for last weeks Mandarin tuition was to read two essays. Each essay had only five paragraphs. And I'm already struggling myself with the first two sentences.
Every word I read I have to go through he dictionary for the meaning. It's as if I've never seen Mandarin materials ever. Literally, EVERY word is looked up in EVERY passage in BOTH essays. And still, when I get to the end of the essay, still, STILL I don't understand what I just read.
It's so frustrating when in my mind I know I've been studying this language for nine years and still I am so lost in it. gurr. My mandarin tuition teacher is coming in 15 minutes and I don't know what to tell her about the essays. She's been so understanding with my not doing my homework for the past week due to rehearsals and what not. But I can't wriggle myself outta this one.
I am gonna tell her that I really can't do it. I mean, I know somehow I can, with a little hard work, but the frustration of it all is so overwhelming it drowns my determination to keep on going. I think I'm set (well almost set, I still have some thinking to do) about not taking the Mandarin SPM test. It's too rush and too much pressure. No ones pressuring me to get an A but I have so many things I love doing, and anything we do requires a little bit of pressure to move forward. I guess all the 'little bit of pressure' kind of jumbled together and create a whole chunk of pressure. :(
Or maybe I just need some air and some time. Airs not a problem, time is. lol, sometimes I get so angry at the clock. In my mind I'm mentally yelling at the face of the clock for moving its hand too fast. Sometimes I feel like a day needs more than 24 hours cos 3/4 of a day is 'dedicated' to work work work for our future. Sometimes I ask, why can't I just plan for the next few hours before tomorrow comes, instead of plan for the next few years before I have to stand on my own. Better yet, why do I even NEED to plan. It's tiring to plan, let alone execute your plans.
So dont plan. :\ yeah right. correct me if you have your opinions (i'd love to hear 'em :D). In todays world, if you don't have a plan, if you dont have a strategy, if you don't run fast enough, you'll get left behind. And I dont mean left behind in todays fashion or technology, and I wouldn't mind being left behind if only for the fact that nowadays, whoever moves fast affects the people who want to take it slow. Whoever moves slow, the people moving fast will be effected as well. One thing is the pressure, another is that you HAVE to. I wont even bother elaborating. In this time era, everyone is 'FORCED' to move fast.
Or maybe I'm being a drama queen with the whole pressure/moving fast thing. That I have to work out, look at the situation clearly and thoroughly. But what I do know is that I need a breather. But still, I looove what I'm given the opportunity to learn/do. I just dont have noo staminaaa (lol, if thats one way to put it).
Teacher was supposed to be here 3 minutes ago. :( Sometimes (not EVERY time XP) I watch my phone and see if she's gonna cancel class. Not cos I don't like her (in fact I love her as a teacher, shes awesome) or the class, but because I want a little detour from all the plans once in a while. Thats how I get a breather sometimes, when plans dont go through. But still doesnt erase that I DID have to plan before the plan was cancelled.
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